| Firing the Nanny: Best practices |
By: Nicolette Zanzibar, Babysitting/Childcare Columnist
On 11/12/05
It may be a gut feeling, or actual evidence that your sitter is acting out of line. It might be time for your children to start a new school, or you may have found someone you think will be better with your kids.
| "Remind your kids that it’s okay to be sad or angry about the change, and that you’ll be there to answer any questions or just listen if they want to talk." |
Whatever the reason, firing a nanny can be an anxiety-inducing process.
THE AMICABLE BREAKUP
Even if the break is amicable -- a move, a new school, or the oldest child is old enough to watch his younger siblings -- the transition can be hard on the nanny, and on your children. Go with your gut on the amount of notice you want to give; two weeks to a month is standard. Sit down with the sitter away from the children, and be up front as to why the changes are happening. Offer to write the sitter a letter of recommendation and, if appropriate, give her the contact information for any friends who might be hiring. Let the nanny know in the weeks before she leaves how much she has been appreciated, and give your children time with her to take pictures, go on favorite outings, and perhaps have the sitter over for a meal with the whole family.
THE LESS AMICABLE SPLIT
Your babysitter talks on the phone too much, ignores the kids, regularly arrives late, things are missing from around the house -- or worse. In a less amicable split, it is best to work out a plan of action before breaking the news to the sitter. Many parents seek a new hire before letting the old one go, and if time is in your favor, a smooth transition is always more comfortable for you and your family.
The most important variable in this equation is your children. Generally in these situations it is best to fire outright, effective immediately, since you do not want an angry, hurt, or disrespectful person watching your children, or retaliation of any sort.
Have the “firing conversation” away from your children. Be honest with the sitter, but only offer as much information as you feel is appropriate. Firing the nanny should be well thought through before you act, and non-negotiable during the “firing conversation.” If you feel that immediate termination will severely affect the sitter, you can offer a small amount of compensation.
TERMINTING THE LIVE-IN NANNY
If your nanny is living with you, the situation can be more complicated. Again, immediate termination is best. If the nanny doesn’t have an immediate place to go to and you have it in your heart and budget to help her out, offer to pay for a night or two in a local hotel, or even a bus ticket home. Settle all money owed immediately, and be sure that you get keys back right away. Don’t offer recommendations or other compensation out of guilt, as you may get locked into a promise that you don’t feel right about keeping.
Finally, talk to your children openly about the change they will be going through. Don’t blame or criticize the sitter, rather give an objective view of what she did wrong while reminding your children that your biggest job is to keep them safe.
Remind your kids that it’s okay to be sad or angry about the change, and that you’ll be there to answer any questions or just listen if they want to talk. Don’t be afraid to bring up the nanny on occasion, especially as she relates to family stories and any memories your kids have of past outings. Kids don’t forget the important people in their lives, and they need to know that it’s okay with you if they keep remembering them fondly.
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