| Children: Sooner or Later? |
By: Jane Irwin, Alternative Family columnist
On 11/12/05
More women are having children later in life. Is there ever a right time?
We're brought up to expect certain ideals and ways of doing things as an adult. You know, meet someone, fall in love, have kids and live happily ever. But what happens if you don't meet Mr. or Ms. Right?
| "Losing ones parents is never easy, but losing them before you had a chance to grow-up is even more difficult." |
Or if when you do, your biological alarm clock has either passed, or on it's last snooze setting?
There's little doubt that the number of women having children in their mid-to-late 30's and early 40's in on the increase. Many women spend their 20s carving out their careers and simply don't have the time or inclination to have a family. After all, the 30s is meant to be the new 20s.
And in some ways it is. We want to travel, meet the perfect partner, have a career, earn our own money and still, at some point, find time to have a family. It's not as if the pressure to have a family goes away; it just gets deferred until another day, or another partner. So we wait, and wait until it's now or maybe never.
According to the American Fertility Association, after the ripe old age of 30 the probability of conceiving decreases by 3 to 5 percent a year. In medical terms, women over 35 are grouped in the 'Advance Maternal Age' category (AMA). Still, each of us is unique to our own reproductive circumstances.
There are women I know in their 40s who became pregnant by accident and others in their early and late 30's who struggled for years to conceive; some with rounds of IVF, others with fertility inducing injections and diets. In truth, if I hadn't seen them go through the emotional turmoil of not being unable to conceive naturally, I would never have believed something so normal could appear so unattainable.
Invariably, there are medical implications to having a child later in life. The risks of birth defects, such as Downs Syndrome, or delivery complications are much greater. A close friend of mine, who just turned 40, tried to conceive for three years. When she finally did get pregnant she developed a serious condition called Vesa Pervia, whereby the baby’s umbilical cord was attached low and to the side of the placenta. She also had a Placenta Previa, where the placenta was too low and to the right of her cervix. Consequently, she spent three months on complete bed-rest and endured the constant fear that her child might not make it. Thankfully, he did. Of course, the issues she experienced my not be directly attributable to age, but being older definitely enhances the risk.
Outside of the medical difficulties, children can also feel the emotional burden of having older parents. Some women, due to scientific advancements, are now having children in their 50s and even 60s. And whilst everyone has the right to choose their own course, late life parenting is often tough for children – especially if their peers have parents half the age.
Losing ones parents is never easy, but losing them before you had a chance to grow-up is even more difficult. But there are no guarantees in life. My grandmother died in her mid 30s when my mom was only 11; my mom had me when she was 41, and thirty-five year's later she's still a power of emotional and physical strength.
In spite of the risks, there are benefits to having children later in life. Ok, our bodies may not bounce back like a 25-year-old’s would, but as older parents we're probably more financially and emotionally equipped to deal with the stress and pressure of being a parent.
My sister had her first child when she was 24 (she's six years older than me), and at a retrospectively tender age came the rude awakening of parental responsibility. At the time, we joked about how she would get her life back at 40, while I would be staying home changing diapers. It’s the choices we make.
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