| How does the holiday season affect inter-faith families? |
By: Jane Irwin, Alternative Family Columnist
On 11/4/05
The holiday season is almost here, and for some of us it means more than festive revelry, family gatherings and present buying. In spite of the ever-advancing commercial aspect, the season of good will is meant to be a time of religious reflection.
| "For many of us, the religious essence of the holidays has taken a back seat to commerce and more commonplace practices such as buying a tree, cooking turkey, or spending a fortune on gifts." |
But what do you do if you belong to an inter-faith family, celebrate both, or boycott religion all together?
There's little doubt that the prominence of religion in western society has become generationally diluted. The number of people attending church is not what it was. And those that do frequent church regularly don't necessarily adhere to the devout religious codes and doctrines of yesteryear. Moreover, the modern generation of believers have evolved and broadened the boundaries of what it means to have a particular faith. Today, marrying a person of a different religion is not uncommon, although it's not without complication - particularly post-children, and during the religious fervor of the holidays.
How do you tell your child's Jewish grandma that junior is actually a practicing Catholic? Sure, she may learn to accept it, but what happens when it's Hanukkah time and she wants to celebrate with her grandchild?
Some families choose to educate their children about both faiths, and leave them to decide for themselves. After all, greater awareness must surely bring greater tolerance and understanding.
Many families struggle with inter-faith marriages and the process of choosing their children’s religious upbringing. Pre-nuptial agreements often fall by the wayside, as the pressure of family tradition and the maintenance of religious lineage rears its head. Further more, extended family members often feel a sense of loss when they’re unable to share their religion with their families, and there's no time more poignant that the holidays.
Nearly fifty years ago, when my parents married, it wasn't easy for a Catholic girl to marry a Protestant. Although my father did attend Catholic instruction so they could marry within the realms of my mother's faith, we were brought up A-religious. This didn't affect our Christmas celebrations because, for the most part, it consisted of festive tunes, food, drink, family, and presents - just like everyone else.
The religious aspects consisted of the occasional trip to midnight mass, school nativity plays and arrays of baby-Jesus greetings cards. I now know that my mother would have preferred us to have more religious guidance when we were growing-up and that it wasn't easy for her to compromise. In her eyes, we missed out on something valuable, and maybe we did.
For many of us, the religious essence of the holidays has taken a back seat to commerce and more commonplace practices such as buying a tree, cooking turkey, or spending a fortune on gifts. In some ways, this eases the seasonal pressure for inter-faith families. However, for some the bi-religious family is an embodiment of the cultural melting pot, rather than positive progression towards a new set of values or ideals.
When I met my partner I didn't care about his religious upbringing and he wasn't particularly bothered about mine. But then, we both came from inter-faith families where there wasn’t a single viewpoint or way of perceiving religion. Invariably, if you don't practice a specific religion you don't feel the need, or pressure, to preserve it for future generations. Faith will no doubt play even less of a day-to-day role in our children’s lives. But every Christmas we’ll pull out the religious tokens, enjoy the family fun then pack them away with our baubles until the next year.
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